Patiala House Release Date : 11,Feb 2011

Producer Bhushan Kumar, Mukesh Talreja, Kishan Kumar, Twinkle Khanna, Zoeb Springwala
Director Nikhil Advani
Music Shankar Mahadevan, Ehsaan Noorani, Loy Mendonca
Lyrics Anvita Dutt Guptan
Release Date 11-Feb-2011

Patiala House is a film about the Kahlon household of Southall. The family is headed by orthodox Sikh Gurtej Kahlon (Rishi Kapoor) who expresses every emotion with a little moustache dance. His bitter past of witnessing certain racist exploits has him utterly disregard everything British. Consequently, his giant family of 12-14 people are refused to pursue their dreams (since that is very British?). So most of them resign to Indian versions of their dreams. The Kahlon who wants to be a chef starts frying 'jalebis', the one who wants to be a filmmaker finds himself behind the wheel of a taxi and one of the sisters (Hard Kaur) who wants to be rapper is forced to croon bhajans (the only thing worse than her rap).

While most Kahlons are caustic about their miserable lives, Gurtej's own son, Parghat Singh aka Gattu (Akshay Kumar) is completely indifferent. The 43-year-old actor plays a 34-year-old (passable for a 50-year-old) who could've been in the England team 17 years back if it wasn't for his father yelling at him and to a crowd of 100 people (?), "Tu England ke liye cricket nahin khelega!"

While Gattu plays an obedient son who has forsaken his dreams to moo the way his father instructs him to, Akshay Kumar decides to play it up a notch (to prove he can do such roles and for delirious fun). So obedient becomes borderline spastic, emotionally bankrupt and at times just down-right demented. The way he interacts with his childhood friend, neighbour and love-interest Simran (Anushka Sharma) is nothing short of challenged. The result, Gattu has glimpses of Taare Zameen Par, My Name is Khan and even Paa.

Anyway, this dreary story takes another ludicrous turn when Mr Bedi (Tinu Anand), the (minority) cricket selector who gets Southhall Sikhs represented in the England team, decides to give Gattu another chance. Why? Because he's seen him bowling at the empty field opposite his house for 17 years. Really? That is it? How about starting with County or a club even? Where the film goes from here would hardly make a contest question.

With cricketers like Symonds, McCullum, Gibbs, Pollard etc making an appearance, the most dramatic one is by ex-England captain Nassir Hussain who tries his mouth at Hindi and manages to sound like a robot speaking in Japanese. Another unintentional comic element in the movie is Hard Kaur fashioned as a Punjabi aunty which can be equated to Ozzy Osbourne dressed as a Sikh.

The film's music is predictably bhangra with no surprises. The dialogues seem to be written on the spot, so obvious lines are being chanted in a grave style, hoping to sound philosophical? While logic and Bollywood formula films have been eternally divorced, this script could've been far more sensible if not believable if re-visited in time. None of the cast members deserve a mention, as they're hardly any better or worse than each other. Akshay Kumar proves that he's best suited to his regular genre of screaming-punching-running-laughing films.

When you exit after watching Patiala House, your only parting visual is of Akshay Kumar's slow-mo run-up towards the wicket, with not-so-subliminal endorsement shots of Brand Reebok (jersey, bat, helmet, trouser, field and every surface possible). Actual ads rarely present as many logo close-ups! But what's terribly disappointing for anyone who understands the game even a bit, is that our Punjab express chucks every single time (check bowling action!).

Wonder what this film would be called if it were based in the US? Patel House?

Angel Release Date : 11,Feb 2011

Producer Ganesh Acharya
Director Ganesh Acharya
Music Amjad Nadeem
Writer Mauzzam Beg
Lyrics Shabbir Ahmed
Release Date 11-Feb-2011

The poster of ANGEL says, 'This is not a love story. This is a story about love'. Now, we wonder how the two sentences mean differently. Anyway, ANGEL is Choreographer-turned-director Ganesh Acharya's third directorial venture after SWAMI and MONEY HAI TO HONEY HAI. The 'story about love' marks the debut of Sanjay Dutt's nephew Nilesh Sahay along with Maddalsa Sharma.

The film begins with a guy being beaten by the police. We come to know that he's Abhay (Nilesh Sahay), who has just served a two year jail sentence. Through the flashback mode, we're shown the nasty bike accident in which Abhay inadvertently caused the death of a man. After serving the jail sentence, he meets Sonal (Maddalsa Sharma), who's the deceased man's physically challenged daughter and asks for forgiveness. Although Sonal is outraged initially, she mellows down and starts liking Abhay over a period of time. He too reciprocates her feelings and is on a mission to make her perfectly all right. So love brews between the couple amidst the physiotherapy sessions. Everything's just perfect until an incident throws their life in complete disarray.

The main flaw of the love story is that you simply don't connect with the characters individually, or even when they are together. The graph of the narrative is low as the film begins and is the same till the intermission point. Just like Sonal's condition, you desperately want the film to get better. And it does! After the interval, the twist shown elevates the narrative to a great extent. Just as you feel Ganesh has finally steadied the sinking ship, it plummets and again goes haywire. The hurried climax doesn't help.

There are flimsy scenes like Abhay taking on several policemen single handedly. Don't the police officers have guns? Then there's Sonal doing a Mere Khwabon mein jo aaye tackily. The numerous songs, most of them shot in foreign locations don't add any value. Amjad Nadeem's music is passable. Aseem Bajaj's cinematography is decent. Nilesh Naik's editing is good.

Aashiqui.in Release Date : 11,Feb 2011

Producer Shashikant Chheda, Amit Chheda
Director Shankhadeep
Music Nitin Kumar Gupta, Prem Hariya
Writer Shankhadeep
Lyrics Taufeeq Paalvi
Release Date 11-Feb-2011

It is unbelievable how at a time when audiences are discovering joyrides like Yeh Saali Zindagi and Dhobi Ghat, filmmaking debacles such as Aashiqui.in dare to even present themselves to viewers.

Inspired by the fairy tale of Cinderella, Aashiqui.in has nothing to offer — not even a novel plot! Poor orphan girl at the mercy of wicked stepmother and evil stepsisters, rich Prince Charming, costume dance, budding love, clock strikes midnight, glass shoe left behind, search for Cinderella, hideous obstacles during climax, boy gets girl and they live happily ever after! Sounds like a plot taken right out of a school skit, doesn’t it?

While the actors compete with one another for the tag of worst performance on the big screen, the miserable screenplay rips the film apart bit by bit. With dialogues bordering on naive or obnoxious, a background score that comes across as a misfit to the storyline, over-the-top performances, and unsophisticated, rough editing, Aashiqui.in makes a mockery of the Cinderella legend. At times, scenes seem so unconnected that they leave you at a loss for comprehension.

The only part that jolts you awake and makes you look up at the screen is the sidekick’s hilarious mimicry of certain film stars. Apart from that, the entire film looks like a joke.

Don’t watch Aashiqui.in if you are in the mood for love stories and teen romance, or if you want to reminisce about your Cinderella story-filled childhood days... it might madden you out of your wits.

Utt Pataang Release Date : 04,Feb 2011

Producer Aparna Joshi
Director Srikanth Velagaleti
Music Shamir Tandon
Writer Srikanth Velagaleti
Release Date 04-Feb-2011

Five years ago with Bheja Fry, Vinay Pathak [ Images ] as the common man had the audience in splits. It's an avatar Vinay revisited in Dasvidaniya [ Images ] where he succeeded in evoking a few chuckles.

This time with Utt Pataang the actor, who has a double role in the film, fails to tickle the funny bone.

Playing the normal Mumbai [ Images ] white-collared office-goer Ram, Pathak is hoping his ex-girlfriend Mahie Gill [ Images ] might just see the error of her ways and return to him. His buddy Saurabh Shukla [ Images ] plays a private detective who keeps tabs on all those around him.

One day Mahie calls up Pathak wanting to collect her belongings from his flat at the earliest. This innocuous request leads to a series of bizarre events where crores are found and lost, guns are brandished but never fired and bags are either packed with money or lacy lingerie.

The large ensemble cast also features Mona Singh as the dazed small-town girl who breaks off her engagement and then roams the streets of the city with reckless abandon. Pathak re-appears in the film as the gangster Saldanha. But his character is modeled more along the lines of Mr Clouseau, the bumbling detective of the Pink Panther series rather than a petty gangster in the larger framework of Mumbai's underworld.

When large sums of money are involved behaviour tends to border on the bizarre. And most people would willingly entertain thoughts about decamping with the money. The characters in Utt Pataang are no different. The deterrent in most cases would be the fear of brutal punishment. But the bad guys Sanjay Mishra and Gautam Namdeo have been made out to be buffoons. As a result in many places the film appears to be more of a spoof rather than a comic thriller which it purports itself to be.

Utt Pataang has been scripted along the noir tradition and is restricted to little over one night which turns into a nightmare for all those involved. The narrative moves in a non-linear fashion and especially during the first half of the film manages to keep you involved. The second half of the film especially once Saldanha makes his appearance runs out of steam. But it picks up pace again and ends with an ingenuous climax...

Mahie Gill, the gangster's moll and also the sole glamour quotient in the film lacks verve, a pity because with Dev D [ Images ] she proved the spontaneity she can bring to any role. And in her interactions with Saurabh Shukla, he had all the punch lines. Shukla has a large role but he's also the screenplay writer of the film, which explains it all!

Mona Singh shows no skin and has very little to do in the film. Yet the sequences between her and Vinay Pathak, two fellow sufferers who have been recently wounded but hope to recover are endearing. It is Pathak's other avatar which doesn't amuse or entertain, and only manages to irritate.

But debut director Srikanth Velagaleti does get one thing right. The script is tight and remains focused. No extraneous characters, no unnecessary incidents and no moral judgments, either.

The background score by Sanjoy Chowdhury is well done but could have been used in a more subtle manner. Drama cannot be created with background music alone. The editing is flawless and helps keep the film short.

Utt Pataang is interesting provided you enjoy comic capers with a hint of romance.

Yeh Saali Zindagi Release Date : 04,Feb 2011

Producer Sudhir Mishra, Cine Raas
Director Sudhir Mishra
Music Nishat Khan
Writer Sudhir Mishra
Lyrics Swanand Kirkire
Release Date 04-Feb-2011

Yeh Saali Zindagi is a film directed by Sudhir Mishra. In this film Director Sudhir Mishra comes back with his Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi actress, Chitrangada Singh. Yeh Saali Zindagi is the kind of outing that makes you believe that Bollywood indeed has some folks out there who are trying to do things differently when it comes to making films.

The film basically unfolds the story of Arun (Irrfan Khan) who meets singer Priti (Chitrangada Singh) and is instantly enamoured by her beauty. Priti gets attracted to Shyam (Vipul Gupta) who's introduced to her by Arun himself.

Shyam is engaged to a high-profile minister's daughter. Petite goon Kuldeep (Arunoday Singh) kidnaps Shyam so that he can exchange him with his jailed boss Bade (Yashpal Sharma) from the minister. Priti finds herself intertwined in this messy situation and Arun wants to help her unconditionally.

There are hardly any reposeful moments in the narration. The breakneck storytelling replicates the restlessness of the characters. With a maestro's adeptness, Mishra weaves two love stories into the panoramic view of crime and corruption.

Performance wise, Irfaan Khan is excellent. Chitrangda Singh is supportive. Vipul Gupta is fine in his role. Aditi Rao Hydari is very good. Sushant Singh is top notch. Yashpal Sharma and Prashant Narayanan are fabulous. Saurabh Shukla is wonderful.

On the whole, Yeh Saali Zindagi is a complete entertaining film with romance, thrill and comedy. Don't miss it.

United Six Release Date : 04,Feb 2011

Producer C. G. Patel
Director Vishal Aryan Singh
Music Pritam Chakraborty
Writer Kapil Mishra, Vishal Aryan Singh
Lyrics Ashish Pandit
Release Date 04-Feb-2011

I often wonder why don't [Hindi] film-makers attempt chick-flicks with loads of dazzling action/stunts? Say, on the lines of CHARLIE'S ANGELS? In fact, way back in the 1990s, I vividly recall, there was an attempt by several film-makers to make action films with all-women star cast. But the projects fizzled out for reasons best known to those film-makers.

The first impression that UNITED SIX evokes is that it's a mishmash of several Hollywood action fares that show the fists and curves of the fairer sex. But you are proven wrong as the story begins. Sure, UNITED SIX has six women essaying pivotal roles, but this is about the heist they carry out successfully. The concept is attention grabbing, but it's the screenplay writing that makes the effort partly engaging, partly so-so, partly amateurish, partly self indulgent.

UNITED SIX is the story of six girls living in Bangkok. They are going through a tough phase in their lives. Their dreams are shattered, their aspirations crushed. Out of frustration and anger, they decide to rob a bank. One of the girls, Jia, who was fired from the bank for refusing to sleep with her boss, convinces the others and leads them.

They rent a bakery adjacent to the bank and start digging a tunnel which would lead them to the bank. They soon realize that it's not as easy as it seems like. However, they continue with their mission, but one by one, on one pretext or the other, the girls start getting jittery. Jia continues to motivate them, but finds it getting more and more difficult with every passing hour. Eventually, they decide to call it quits. Next morning, they get the shock of their life when they learn that the bank has been robbed and the cops are hunting for them. The girls are caught in a perilous situation...

There are two things that grab your attention while watching this flick. One, the film is well shot. Two, the interval point and also the culmination [the suspense aspect] catch you by complete surprise. First-time director Vishal Aryan Singh steps into the Abbas-Mustan territory, but being the captain of the ship, he should've ensured that the sequence of events leading to the finale is equally interesting. Like I pointed out earlier, the goings-on vacillate between engaging and non-engaging moments quite rapidly.

Pritam's music is alright, although the placement of songs in the initial reels could've been better. Cinematography [Sugin Mamai] is striking. In fact, the film wears a slick look all through. The six actresses [Parvathy Omanakuttan, Daisy Bopanna, Mahi, Isha Batwe, Luna Lakhar and Pooja Sharma] are passable. In fact, all of them don't really get a chance to display histrionics since the screenplay is erratic.

Dil Toh Baccha Hai Ji Release Date : 28,Jan 2011

Producer Madhur Bhandarkar, Kumar Mangat
Director Madhur Bhandarkar
Music Pritam Chakraborty
Writer Madhur Bhandarkar, Anil Pandey, Neeraj Udwani
Lyrics Sanjay Chhel, Neelesh Misra, Kumaar, Saeed Qadri
Release Date 28-Jan-2011

The heart - it is allowed to behave like a child; especially when it's in lhhove and all. But what is unacceptable is to allow a kid - however grown-up he might be - to write a full-length feature film. The situations are amateur and the play on words is childish. If you are not convinced of the low standards of story and dialogue writing in the first two hours, watch out (if you are going to watch that is) for the down-market climax.

Within the first few minutes of the film, the three lead characters and their problems are presented to you. This is done as plainly and as non-creatively as possible - which is true of the rest of the narrative too. It is literally Ajay Devgn's love story - cut - Omi Vaidya's love story - cut - Emraan Hashmi's love story - cut - repeat. Within the first few rounds, you can predict where the next cut in the story is going to take you. To the next of the three characters and whatever he is upto next.

Only that, whatever is happening in his life next is pretty much similar to what happened last. Ajay Devgn is the clueless, middle-aged boss falling helplessly in love with a girl almost half his age. And he keeps falling in love. There's nothing out of this world that this actor is required to do. Emraan Hashmi (they call him Abby) is the playboy -- surprise! -- who is always thinking of the next girl to take to bed. Even when he likes one more than the others, it seems like he has only one aim in mind. A been-there-done-that for him too. Omi Vaidya (Milind Kelkar) is a simpleton and proud of it. Once he falls in love he lets the woman take him for a ride. Again and again. Omi's performance was almost a repeat of his 3 Idiots character. Also his timing is completely off. He actually had a couple of good lines which are completely given away by the way he said them

Now apart from these repetitions, there was this constant nag. I am rooting for no one. Not even the good-natured, squeaky-clean-at-heart, aawww-so-sweet-that-he's-boring Milind. And I think a lot of it had to do with timing. Maybe just maybe, the lame lines I was complaining about might have been tolerable if they were delivered as quickly as a comedy requires them to be. An extra pause here, a moment of thought there puts an ailing dialogue to sleep.

In the midst of some dreadful writing, it is disproportionately refreshing to see some sort-of variety in character for a couple of the women in the film. Not that the details are deeply thought through, but since they are performed reasonably well, they provided some relief in the otherwise plain narrative. Tisca Chopra as the woman going through mid-life crisis and Shraddha Das as the woman who can misuse people around her were the only source of relief - the characters as much as the actors themselves.

On the other hand, Shruti Hassan has the flattest dialogue delivery ever and it got too damn annoying even if it was a smaller role compared to the others. And it is difficult to judge if Shazahn Padamsee can act if all she has to do is chirp, "please please please please please." Sure, her character requires her to do that, so we will save judgment until she gets some real dialogue.

And what's with Madhur Bhandarkar paying a tribute to all his films? Just when you are wondering if a glimpse from Page 3 and Corporate are coincidental, you witness a ramp walk and a jail is thrown in too. Sure, his attempt is not as in the face as other self-referencing directors manage. And though it does sort-of weave in and out of the film, it is still distracting. Oh yeah, and there is the trademark referencing to homosexuality too. But this time around its really shoddy and stereotypical.

Madhur Bhandarkar's trial at exposing the big-bad world of love turned out to be a 75-minute wait for the interval followed by another 75-minute wait for it to end. You don't care how, you don't care why, all you care about is when.