Milenge Milenge Release Date : 09,Jul 2010

Producer Surinder Kapoor
Director Satish Kaushik
Music Himesh Reshammiya
Writer Shiraz Ahmed
Lyrics Sameer
Release Date 09-Jul-2010

I'm brewing a new conspiracy theory that cinema halls are turning up the air-conditioning in order to numb our brains. It is thanks to the sub-zero atmosphere while watching Milenge Milenge that my limbs were frozen, not permitting me to escape this loud and dated piece of celluloid.

Priya’s (Kareena Kapoor) sole purpose in life is to meet the man of her dreams. She has three conditions, he shouldn’t smoke, he shouldn’t drink and he mustn’t lie. Of course, he could be a serial killer, a Russian spy or even a cross-dressing gay ballerina--it probably wouldn’t matter to our dizzy headed damsel.

Priya meets a tarot reader (Kirron Kher) (who looks suspiciously like Sunita Menon on whey protein). She predicts that Priya will find the love of her life on a Bangkok beach on so and so date and so and so time. Not just that, she also predicts that her lover will be wearing rainbow colored clothes. Hmmmm….?!

As luck, fate, or maybe destiny would have it; Priya is suddenly selected to travel to Bangkok as part of a youth festival! (Yes, in spite of the extensive cinematic journey that Ms Kapoor has made, she plays a college going ‘youth’ again).

So, Priya, with wind in her hair and too many ‘rom-com’ dvd’s in her head, arrives with crossed fingers at a Thailand beach that could be a little ahead of Madh island (Mumbai).

Our hearts were racing fast to find out if ‘Sunita Menon on whey protein’ had made an accurate prediction. And the anticipation wasn’t in vain. Playing the guitar tunefully and half submerged in water, is the man of Priya’s dreams. He is Immy (Shahid Kapoor, also playing a college going youth!). As luck, fate or maybe destiny would have it, Immy doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, and lo and behold—he doesn’t lie either.

As you watch an elated Priya talk marriage before they finish their first walk together, you feel a little sorry for her. Not just because she may require psychiatric help for buying into such crap and wanting to marry a perfect stranger…but also because you are privy to a little secret.

Immy is actually a drinker, a smoker, and brace yourself---he even LIES! Wearing a mini skirt and a tube-top (!!??!!) Immy had sneaked into a sleeping Priya’s room. After falling in love with her while she was sleeping, he stole her diary and, as luck, fate, or maybe destiny would have it, he knew all her secrets.

When Priya finds her diary in Immy’s room, it slowly dawns on her that this is not the man from ‘Sunita Menon on whey protein’s prediction! She is heartbroken that she professed her undying love for him.

Meanwhile, Immy has had a change of heart and is having his last drink & smoke. No, he is not going to end his life to escape the psycho chick, he has decided to be the man that Priya wants him to be, and will henceforth be a teetotaler.

Tough luck, because Immy’s party is busted by Priya, who has decided to leave him. If it is fated, destined or they are lucky, they will meet again. But how will he find her? He asks, now heartbroken himself. Besides the youth festival that had all her details and her many friends that were still around, there would be no other way to find her. Alas! He would lose her forever!

Destiny’s unwanted child--Priya , has a masterstroke of an idea. She writes Immy’s phone number on a 50-rupee note and buys a book on, no prizes for guessing this one, ‘Destiny’. She then writes her name and number in the book and decides to drop the book off at a random bookstore. If it is fated, destined or if they are lucky, the note or the book will reach them, and then she will know that they are meant to be.

Underlining this ‘serendipitous’ moment, we hear the horrific nasal cry of a tortured elephant. Or is it Himesh Reshmiya’s screeching voice for a background score. I can’t tell for sure.

After another hour of 90’s choreography, jarring background music, silly gags and unflattering low angles shots of Kareena, the lovers have started to pine for each other. They are both getting married on, yes, you guessed it, the same day! Neither has found the book or the note.

Will fate, luck and maybe destiny bring the star-crossed lovers together? If you really care, go watch Satish Kaushik’s Milenge Milenge. Make sure you outsmart the cinemas by carrying a thermal blanket with you. In case you don’t want your brain and your limbs numbed.

Frankly, this film is old wine in an even older bottle.

Red Alert - the war within Release Date : 09,Jul 2010

Producer T P Aggarwal, Rahul Aggarwal
Director Anant Mahadevan
Music Lalit Pandit
Writer Aruna Raje
Lyrics Javed Akhtar
Release Date 09-Jul-2010

Story: Suneil Shetty, a cook who delivers food to a band of Naxals holed up in a forest, is forced to join them, when the cops follow him and stage an encounter. Is this the initiation -- and politicisation -- of the apolitical simpleton into India's most violent and visible grassroot movements today?

Movie Review: Now what could be more topical than a film on India's most burning issue of the moment: the Naxalite movement that has metamorphosed into a civil war that seems to be setting our nation on fire. Ananth Narayan's film, scripted by one of our finest women directors, Aruna Raje, is doubly important. First, it literally takes off from the headlines that have been glaring in your face in the last few years. Second, it dares to enter not only the geographical territory of the war within, but also explores the more tricky ideological terrain. Is there any justification at all for the maoist movement which has created heroes out of people who are allegedly responsible for unprecedented violence and death? More importantly an ideology which is gradually growing into a mass movement, resulting in an ever-growing Red corridor, running through the heart of India.