Patiala House Release Date : 11,Feb 2011

Producer Bhushan Kumar, Mukesh Talreja, Kishan Kumar, Twinkle Khanna, Zoeb Springwala
Director Nikhil Advani
Music Shankar Mahadevan, Ehsaan Noorani, Loy Mendonca
Lyrics Anvita Dutt Guptan
Release Date 11-Feb-2011

Patiala House is a film about the Kahlon household of Southall. The family is headed by orthodox Sikh Gurtej Kahlon (Rishi Kapoor) who expresses every emotion with a little moustache dance. His bitter past of witnessing certain racist exploits has him utterly disregard everything British. Consequently, his giant family of 12-14 people are refused to pursue their dreams (since that is very British?). So most of them resign to Indian versions of their dreams. The Kahlon who wants to be a chef starts frying 'jalebis', the one who wants to be a filmmaker finds himself behind the wheel of a taxi and one of the sisters (Hard Kaur) who wants to be rapper is forced to croon bhajans (the only thing worse than her rap).

While most Kahlons are caustic about their miserable lives, Gurtej's own son, Parghat Singh aka Gattu (Akshay Kumar) is completely indifferent. The 43-year-old actor plays a 34-year-old (passable for a 50-year-old) who could've been in the England team 17 years back if it wasn't for his father yelling at him and to a crowd of 100 people (?), "Tu England ke liye cricket nahin khelega!"

While Gattu plays an obedient son who has forsaken his dreams to moo the way his father instructs him to, Akshay Kumar decides to play it up a notch (to prove he can do such roles and for delirious fun). So obedient becomes borderline spastic, emotionally bankrupt and at times just down-right demented. The way he interacts with his childhood friend, neighbour and love-interest Simran (Anushka Sharma) is nothing short of challenged. The result, Gattu has glimpses of Taare Zameen Par, My Name is Khan and even Paa.

Anyway, this dreary story takes another ludicrous turn when Mr Bedi (Tinu Anand), the (minority) cricket selector who gets Southhall Sikhs represented in the England team, decides to give Gattu another chance. Why? Because he's seen him bowling at the empty field opposite his house for 17 years. Really? That is it? How about starting with County or a club even? Where the film goes from here would hardly make a contest question.

With cricketers like Symonds, McCullum, Gibbs, Pollard etc making an appearance, the most dramatic one is by ex-England captain Nassir Hussain who tries his mouth at Hindi and manages to sound like a robot speaking in Japanese. Another unintentional comic element in the movie is Hard Kaur fashioned as a Punjabi aunty which can be equated to Ozzy Osbourne dressed as a Sikh.

The film's music is predictably bhangra with no surprises. The dialogues seem to be written on the spot, so obvious lines are being chanted in a grave style, hoping to sound philosophical? While logic and Bollywood formula films have been eternally divorced, this script could've been far more sensible if not believable if re-visited in time. None of the cast members deserve a mention, as they're hardly any better or worse than each other. Akshay Kumar proves that he's best suited to his regular genre of screaming-punching-running-laughing films.

When you exit after watching Patiala House, your only parting visual is of Akshay Kumar's slow-mo run-up towards the wicket, with not-so-subliminal endorsement shots of Brand Reebok (jersey, bat, helmet, trouser, field and every surface possible). Actual ads rarely present as many logo close-ups! But what's terribly disappointing for anyone who understands the game even a bit, is that our Punjab express chucks every single time (check bowling action!).

Wonder what this film would be called if it were based in the US? Patel House?

Angel Release Date : 11,Feb 2011

Producer Ganesh Acharya
Director Ganesh Acharya
Music Amjad Nadeem
Writer Mauzzam Beg
Lyrics Shabbir Ahmed
Release Date 11-Feb-2011

The poster of ANGEL says, 'This is not a love story. This is a story about love'. Now, we wonder how the two sentences mean differently. Anyway, ANGEL is Choreographer-turned-director Ganesh Acharya's third directorial venture after SWAMI and MONEY HAI TO HONEY HAI. The 'story about love' marks the debut of Sanjay Dutt's nephew Nilesh Sahay along with Maddalsa Sharma.

The film begins with a guy being beaten by the police. We come to know that he's Abhay (Nilesh Sahay), who has just served a two year jail sentence. Through the flashback mode, we're shown the nasty bike accident in which Abhay inadvertently caused the death of a man. After serving the jail sentence, he meets Sonal (Maddalsa Sharma), who's the deceased man's physically challenged daughter and asks for forgiveness. Although Sonal is outraged initially, she mellows down and starts liking Abhay over a period of time. He too reciprocates her feelings and is on a mission to make her perfectly all right. So love brews between the couple amidst the physiotherapy sessions. Everything's just perfect until an incident throws their life in complete disarray.

The main flaw of the love story is that you simply don't connect with the characters individually, or even when they are together. The graph of the narrative is low as the film begins and is the same till the intermission point. Just like Sonal's condition, you desperately want the film to get better. And it does! After the interval, the twist shown elevates the narrative to a great extent. Just as you feel Ganesh has finally steadied the sinking ship, it plummets and again goes haywire. The hurried climax doesn't help.

There are flimsy scenes like Abhay taking on several policemen single handedly. Don't the police officers have guns? Then there's Sonal doing a Mere Khwabon mein jo aaye tackily. The numerous songs, most of them shot in foreign locations don't add any value. Amjad Nadeem's music is passable. Aseem Bajaj's cinematography is decent. Nilesh Naik's editing is good.

Aashiqui.in Release Date : 11,Feb 2011

Producer Shashikant Chheda, Amit Chheda
Director Shankhadeep
Music Nitin Kumar Gupta, Prem Hariya
Writer Shankhadeep
Lyrics Taufeeq Paalvi
Release Date 11-Feb-2011

It is unbelievable how at a time when audiences are discovering joyrides like Yeh Saali Zindagi and Dhobi Ghat, filmmaking debacles such as Aashiqui.in dare to even present themselves to viewers.

Inspired by the fairy tale of Cinderella, Aashiqui.in has nothing to offer — not even a novel plot! Poor orphan girl at the mercy of wicked stepmother and evil stepsisters, rich Prince Charming, costume dance, budding love, clock strikes midnight, glass shoe left behind, search for Cinderella, hideous obstacles during climax, boy gets girl and they live happily ever after! Sounds like a plot taken right out of a school skit, doesn’t it?

While the actors compete with one another for the tag of worst performance on the big screen, the miserable screenplay rips the film apart bit by bit. With dialogues bordering on naive or obnoxious, a background score that comes across as a misfit to the storyline, over-the-top performances, and unsophisticated, rough editing, Aashiqui.in makes a mockery of the Cinderella legend. At times, scenes seem so unconnected that they leave you at a loss for comprehension.

The only part that jolts you awake and makes you look up at the screen is the sidekick’s hilarious mimicry of certain film stars. Apart from that, the entire film looks like a joke.

Don’t watch Aashiqui.in if you are in the mood for love stories and teen romance, or if you want to reminisce about your Cinderella story-filled childhood days... it might madden you out of your wits.